A Diary of Tears
by Tsukishi
Summary: A story about Tragidy and misunderstanding. A story about helpless love..., Bye Kayla


VHS

VHS

The wind caught on his long white coat as he placed his hands on the brick wall and watched what was happening from the corner of the cafe. The things that drove him to this point was the feeling of betrayal, and Curiosity. For weeks he had endured the musty smell of perfume that lingered on his lovers body, blindly grabbing at his sheets to pull him into a morning embrace and touching no flesh, the night shifts that teased his nerves relentlessly as he waited for his return. It was only ideal that the flawless knew the desirable. Her features were almost Angelic, a black skirt hugged at her thighs and the bottom of a chocolate brown jacket rested just at her hips. Her hair cascaded halfway down her back in alluring swirls of curls that could make any of the women passing envy her and the men, the man sitting with her. Unfortunately, he was concentrating on his beloved -who sat with ease and dominance- to actually take in the full effect she could have had on him. He could feel the aching, eating at him with the hundreds of questions he wanted answered. Breathing was suddenly getting harder as he observed her hand reach out and entwine themselves with his. Heat burned in his belly with the sudden rage he felt towards her, he didn't doubt the fact that he probably appear flushed. He wasn't sure whether it was the artificial smiles plastered on there faces or the slight movement of his lovers thumb brushing against her knuckles that made him question his sanity. His feet were now plastered to the hard cold cement on the ground and his fierce gaze fixed on the two in front of him. It was a good thing. None the less, his emotions kept him in rooted to the spot enabling him from doing anything rash. The girls elegant, child like giggles carried themselves in the brease towards his direction. It was like an unsettling fog had just wistfully placed itself around his heart. He looked down, his head lolling to the side a little bit and then forcing its self into the right position. Now only two questions seemed to have triumphently worked its way to the top.  
"Yunho ah, do i mean nothing? is my love nothing?" he whispered sparing another agonising glance at the couple. His sanity started ripping him into thin red pieces of ribbon as he spotted Yunho lean forward, tilt his head and place his lips over hers. He shattered. What ever self control he had left was now lost in the fog along with his heart. He staggered backwards at the force of his emotions. He could no longer think all, the things that could have enabled him from doing anything rash no longer held him. He was running, running towards something stupid but completely unaware.

Rewind

"Yunho ah" he gasped after taking a large gulp of the muddy slug in his cup "Where are you going?" he finally finished. Setting his cup down he got up to wrap his arms around the waist of his busy partner who stopped to enjoy the nice feel of his body pressed against him.  
"Jaejoong hyung. I have a conference today" he said lightly his voice sultry that threatened to melt his heart.  
"Its like you have a conference everyday. My job is harder then yours there is no need for you to be at there beck and call" he pouted gently turning Yunho around to look him in the eyes.  
"I know" he sighed "I'm working very heard to try and get this new promotion as soon as i get it i will have more time to spend he-" he was cut off as Jaejoong reached up to caress his cheek, now fully aware that he had been babbling.  
"Why is it that every time you talk about this 'Promotion' you get flustered" he asked his eyes hardening "You should slow down". It was the same everyday. The questions, the need to slow him down and the same answers. It was like watching a replay of part of a movie over and over again but in this film the clothes and hair were almost always different. It had only been a week ago that he had caught onto Yunhos lies. Only a week ago that he had suspected the false conferences and only one call away to find out if his suspicions were justified.  
"Your right. Its no good to always be in a rush" he half smiled his hand now tugging on a thin strand of Jaejoongs pitch black hair.  
"Of course I'm right" he pulled away and headed into the living room.  
"Have a nice day" he called behind him. Once he had backed out Yunhos view his walking pattern became sloppy as his body got rigid. He listened as Yunho grabbed his keys and headed out of the door. The surprise rush of emptiness ran to his toes, he needed the truth. He grabbed his bag and threw on his jacket heading out the door just after Yunho.

Forward

It felt wrong to be back here. It felt surprisingly lonely and dark. Jaejoongs fingers traced along the tables edge leaving small line in the forming dust. It sent shivers up his spine that he had been so worried about Yunho that he had forgotten to bother with the bacteria gathering in unnoticible places of their apartment. He noticed the frame of a picture taken two weeks after they had met. Picking it up he examined its features basking in the memory but only for a second. Jaejoongs arm was placed around Yunhos shoulders and Yunhos around his waist. The picture was over all stunning but what made it captivating was the scenery behind them. The dark almost golden beams of the sun shone threw forest just above there heads. The clouds formed a nice fluorescent green, pink and orange sunset. While the forest seemed like it would never end. It was certainly a magnificent photo. His eyes scanned once more and stopped on Yunhos face, he looked so carefree and innocent. Smiling like there was no tomorrow. It angered him more to realise that it was probably the best moment of his life and Yunho had given up on him so easily. In rage he slammed the picture down as hard as he could listening to the glass crack and shatter into little fragments on the table. No doubt if he were to lift it scratches would now be etched into the fine wood. He paced his way slowly to the living room hearing Yunhos soft steps coming up the stairs. As soon as his head popped threw the door he froze his eyes widening in shock. He slowly closed the door behind him taking a step towards Jaejoong.  
"Hyung" he managed to get out "Why do you have a gun". Jaejoong stood there poised and breathing hard. He'd never felt so defenseless and weak, even when holding something so deadly.  
"Shut up" he forced threw clenched teeth "Did you think i wouldn't find out what you've been doing".  
"Jaejoong what are you talking about" he asked trying to control his emotions.  
"You and that girl... there was never a conference" he shouted his finger tightening on the trigger.  
"Jaejoong you...followed me?..." he paused for a second looking truly frightened as he realised the accusation "your misunderstanding something Jaejoong it wasn't like tha-" he was interrupted when the vase behind his head exploded. Something sliced threw the air and caught on to Jaejoongs cheek causing a thin line that began to swell red liquid and started to flow down his cheek.  
"Jaejoong!" Yunho cried more horrified that his Angels gorgeous face had been harmed instead of himself. Not even caring that Jaejoong had just shot at him. He watched as Jaejoong dabbed his fingers in the gew and look at it full of alarm. After staring at it like it had caused something new in himself he lifted his eyes to meet Yunhos who was full of unshed tears.  
Guilt flashed threw him and he nearly collapsed under the weight of it. What had he nearly done? he questioned himself angrly. Was he out of his mind! he screamed mentally.  
"Yunho" he whispered faintly and saw him causally take a step towards him "I'm sorry" he cried tears spilling out of his eyes.  
"Jaejoong..." he sighed with relief and knelt beside him. Something shot threw him like a bolt of electricity. He nearly killed his only love. He didn't deserve to be loved anymore. Pushing Yunho away from him he aimed it once more at Yunho who regained his balance on the floor, horrified.  
"Jaejoong don't do anything rash" he begged his voice cracking.  
" I nearly killed you, what right do i have..." he didn't finish like he couldn't believe himself anymore. He was sure now that it wasn't Yunho being with the girl that had drove him mad but the fact that he had acted without thought and could have killed his...he couldn't say it, didn't want to think it.  
"Jaejoongs...please" Yunho begged once more but was to late when Jaejoong raised the gun to his head and pulled the trigger.  
"No!!" Yunho bellowed as he watched blood spatter on the wall and furniture. Watched as Jaejoongs life drained from his eyes in that one second, which felt like forever.

Rewind

"So...Kim ah Joong" he polity addressed her and went to help her into her seat. She was indeed beautiful. "You are the one helping me with the preparations" grinning he sipped his water.  
"Yes" she grinned "Its been along time Oppa" she straightened her skirt.  
"So whats the special occasion" she asked.  
"Jaejoong..." he said frowning a bit "I think hes been on the edge about something lately. Working to much, maybe. Working harder then i have thats for sure" he laughed.  
"Jaejoong? is he the boy people have been gossiping about for the past 2 years?" she wondered outloud.  
"Thats the one. Anyway, I want to throw a party for him. Its our aniversery soon" he agnoloaged her as she flipped her exquisite curles behind her back.  
"I see..." she grinned suddenly excited " and you want it to be big, right? or else you wouldn't have gotten Seul Gi to phone me". He nodded.  
"Look...Ah Joong...i know its to late for an apologie but i just want to say sorry for leaving you 4 years ago...i should have kept in touch" his eyes darkened with guilt and she reached for his hand. Lightly caressing it.  
"Its alright Yunho... you wern't ready. Neither was i. Marraige was just to complicated" her eyes softened as she tried to express her senserity. "The important thing is that you found someone of more importance eh? i mean you've been planning this for a weeks". His thumb graced over her knuckle causing her to shiver slightly.  
"so are we going to get planning" she giggled trying to lighten the atmosphere. She watched as a half smile spread across his face and he leaned forward. Her breath caught. Was he going to kiss her? she thought wildley but then felt his lips just on her cheek. She cautioned herself. He was taken, old feelings would cause a great deal of trouble. Once he sat back down she began explaining her plans.

Forward

He watched as the body of his partner sagged ungracefully to the floor. His beautiful Jaejoong. What had he been thinking? he questioned him silehtly. Tears steamed down his face as he looked upon him. His black eyes that always sent him over the cliff were now closed, his lashes scrapping against his cheek. Blood flowed slowly from the gash on his face. His soft almost feminine features still remained but the still silence was almost to much for him to bear.  
"Jaejoong ah" he breathed threw the tears and crawled over to his body. His knees dragging threw the pool of liquid. "Why..." he cried placing his hand on Jaejoongs chest.  
"Why!" he cried in anguish putting his head on Jaejoongs now still chest "I loved you. Didn't you see that" he sobbed. He felt any other need to live leave his body. If his one and only Love...Jaejoong...He couldn't go on in pain. He'd be taken to a Siqiatric ward, where no one would help him but stick him with needles to stop him from screaming his name. He felt around for the gun and blindley took Jaejoongs hand. He lifted the gun to his head and pulled the trigger his eyes still gazing upons Jaejoongs battered, bloody face before his body too. Sagged.

Rewind

Heat burned threw his body as he felt the light caresses of his hands move up his thigh. The sensation was so delightful. He placed his hand over his to stop he lewered his face towards his feeling more powerful. After gasping for air they both began to rom eachothers bodys freely. Stripping of any excess clothes...

Rewind

"Jaejoong ah?" he asked digging his feet into the sad under the swing "do you think things will change in the future for us?" an awkward silence settled around them but non the less Jaejoong answered.  
"Probebly. We aren't exactly welcomed into todays society" he said gravely.  
"Your right but alteast were here...together" he grinned playfully.  
"Right, hey lets ask that guy over there to take a picture for us?" jaejoong jumped off his swing and grabbed his hand but stopped breafly and looked at him.  
"Dongseng" he said for the first time " i love yo...".

Rewind

"Yunho?" he asked as he ran towards the figure standing under the bridge. He tried to catch his breath.  
"You came" Yunho answered grinning "Great but what took you so long?" he also asked in wonder.  
"Have you seen it out there?" Jaejoong said disbalevengly "Its like a sewer out there puddles everywhere".  
"Well we are going to miss the movie" he said "what one do you want to see on our first date?" he mocked friends remark when he found out.  
"Hmm..." Jaejoong said running after Yunho who just took off "Tales of the two sisters!" he laughed "That'll give you a good scare..."

Rewind

Rain poured down like there was no tomorrow. He was on the sidewalk trying to see the signs. Unfortunately he didn't have an umbrella. Clearly wasn't equipped for this weather. Someone tapped him on the shoulder forcing him to look back.  
"Are you lost?" he heard the person ask,  
"No, but i can't find my way threw this blasted rain" he strained to look at his helper. Who lifted an umbrella over him and he watched as the person submitted himself to the rain.  
"Where are you headed?" the faint figured shouted over the wind.  
"34 street" he replied also shouting "aren't you going to get a fever?"  
"I'll be fine. Your the one who should be worried about getting a fever you've been standing in the same spot for the past 10 minutes" he saw him grin and told him that he would take him home.  
"My name is Yunho by the way". They started walking.  
"Jaejoong..."

So...did u like it?


End file.
